Keep it in the Bag Next Time<\/b><\/p>\n
Why can’t I get a cat? You know, one o’ them little furry things with whiskers and claws? Is it because my brother is so allergic to them that he will puff up like a bloated donkey? Or because I’m about as responsible as Homer Simpson? Or is it because that my parents will think that I’ll forget about it in about an hour anyway and they just said to ask Dr. bob about it to eat up time?! Oh well. I better go to sleep anyyyyyhnalmurqepogcah,iox[r.hgqr[ijhearyc[,hyaeh.ox.hr[auy.[reyhv[cexay5eygws vaaa4vys46nush5ytsra4tg4w57yubautfxunyyurtybaavcyerhnalmurqepogcah,iox[r.hgqr[ ijhearyc[,hyaeh.ox.hr[auy.[reyhv[cexay5ygwsvaaa4vys46nush5ytsra4tg4w57yubautfx unyyurtyb
\naavcyerhnalmurqepogcah,iox[r.hgqr[ijhearyc[,hyaeh.ox.hr[auy.[reyhv[cexay5eygwsvaaa4vys46nush5 ytsra4tg4w57yubautfxun yyurtybaavcyer<\/p>\n
HTML505<\/p>\n
Dear HTML505,<\/p>\n
Bob was unable to answer your question because he was too busy eating your cat. I guess I shouldn’t have salted it so thoroughly.<\/p>\n
Dr. Joe<\/p>\n
Moron Meets Girl<\/b><\/p>\n
Okay, so here’s the deal. I know a girl and, sadly, this girl knows me. Before I go any further, let me say that this girl is a whiny, annoying, self-centered, paranoid bitch queen from hell. Other than that, she’s really sweet. I’ve tried to keep her away by reasoning, threatening, pummeling, etc, and I’ve run out of ideas. Can you suggest a truly spectacular way of killing her, or, barring that, ejecting her into deep space?<\/p>\n
Sergeant Bomar<\/p>\n
Dear Sergeant,<\/p>\n
You could try writing to her about your problems.<\/p>\n
Dr. Joe<\/p>\n
Careful About Those Homophones<\/b><\/p>\n
Dear Joe,<\/p>\n
In real life, are you in color? What color? Why isn’t the strip in color? It’s not like color pixels cost extra. Do they?<\/p>\n
Phil Goetz<\/p>\n
Dear Phil,<\/p>\n
Sorry, there was a bit of misunderstanding about your email. Franko read it first and thought you wanted him to strip. He forgot he wasn’t wearing clothes, so within seconds there was a bit of a bloody, scaly mess. Thank you for making my day.<\/p>\n
Dr. Joe<\/p>\n
Pool: Gateway To Much Better Sins<\/b><\/p>\n
Dear Dr. Joe,<\/p>\n
I’m currently trying to put a pool table and other various parlor games into my gameroom. I was wondering because pool tables and games are fairly expensive. I was thinking I could either save up and buy the pool table, or just say the heck with it and take out a huge loan that I don’t intend to pay back, gut my house and go for a full out illegal gambling casino with a red light district upstairs.<\/p>\n
Thanks,
\nJim<\/p>\n
Dear Jim,<\/p>\n
What is this, a trick question? Don’t forget the strippers. (Although I advise not using fish.)<\/p>\n
Dr. Joe<\/p>\n
More Of This Crap<\/b><\/p>\n
DR.JOE<\/p>\n
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO? I HAVE ONLY BEN MARRIED FOR 2 MON.MY HUSBAND HAS CHANGE SO MUCH.WE GOT IN A BIG FIGHT TO NIGHT OVER NOTHING. AND HE TOLD ME TO LEAVE. HE NEVER WANTS TO ME WITH ME. I AM THINKING ABOUT LEAVING BUT I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO OR IF I CAN. WHAT SHOULD I DO<\/p>\n
BRANDY<\/p>\n
Dear Brandy,<\/p>\n
Oh, I’m sure that’ll pass or something. Meanwhile, let me ask you – I just had this big pizza; do you have any dental floss? I ask because married couples are usually stocked to the gills with that crap. I thought I’d ask now, in case there ended up being custody issues over your bathroom supplies.<\/p>\n
Dr. Joe<\/p>\n
The Unanswered Question<\/b><\/p>\n
I just wanted to know what your views on religioun were. I belong to the LDS church, so, how about you?<\/p>\n
Avearaethoen Alidia Alehdera<\/p>\n
Dear Avagavatha or Whatever the Hell your Name Is,<\/p>\n
Well, let us conjecture what LDS might stand for. Losers Drooling over Salvation? Lame, Dull, Sundays? Legions of Delusional Shit-for-Brains’s? Which could it be? Rather than answer, let us order another garlic pizza.<\/p>\n
Dr. Joe<\/p>\n
Not To Get Off On a Tangent…<\/b><\/p>\n
dear joe,<\/p>\n
my best friend stole my girl my money my dinity and just about anything els. should i kill him?<\/p>\n
SINED
\npissed off<\/p>\n
Dear Pissed,<\/p>\n
Apparently he stole your brain too, replacing it with scrapings from your ass. I recommend killing him, practicing first on yourself.<\/p>\n
SINED,
\nDr. Joe<\/p>\n
Not All Spam Lies<\/b><\/p>\n
Piano owners. We guarantee you will play a recognizable melody upon recieving this incredible technology for your piano. Click on the Email address below..and enter “More info” on the subject line and click the Send icon. We will send you complete information about this incredible device that will make you an instant Piano Player. It’s truely amazing!<\/p>\n
Dear Piano Man,<\/p>\n
Oddly, when I clicked on your link and entered my email address, 4000 new porn site advertisements arrived the next day. It took me a long time to go through them all, so please cut it out. Although, I was able to throw a bottle at Franko which kind of sounded musical, so I guess your ad is true.<\/p>\n
Dr. Joe<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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